We are taught to be ashamed of sexuality by the world we live.

To be embarrassed by our most natural desires. To supress what we feel is wholesome and natural, to ignore our passions and pretend they don’t exist.

We’re conditioned to disconnect from ourselves, our partners, from the rest of the world.

Because intimacy and sex are supposed to be together “dirty”. Shameful. Embarrassing.

I was raised in a household where intimacy and sex were strictly forbidden. After witnessing the horrors and suffering of the Vietnam War, my parents moved to the country and raised me in a log cabin.

It was beautiful, but there was also a dark side. It was as dark as you can imagine.

When I was young, I experienced sexual trauma like no other. And my mother said the same thing to me.

My heavenly life became a nightmare at this point.

Everything has been turned upside-down.

I became a happy, joyful person.-From a loving girl to a depressed young lady.

I rebelled against everyone, and everything.

Where I was a devout christian, I disavowed God when I thought he wasn’t listening.

Where I used to be a clean, young girl, I fell into the world of drugs, drinking, and sex.

At 17 I fled my home and got pregnant. My 20s were filled with drugs, sex, and alcohol to ease the pain.

Because there was no alternative outlet.

It was impossible to let go of my emotions.

I didn’t have a way to communicate what I felt so I held it in my heart.

I was finally diagnosed with mania as well as bipolar disorder and placed on medication.

That helped, but the medication made everything… flat. I felt nothing.

I was completely and completely paralysed. I didn’t even have the energy to get out of bed some days.

I can recall my son asking me to read a bedtime story to him.

But I was so tired and lethargic I asked him to come again later, almost as if it were a sale.

I felt horrible, but I didn’t know how to do anything more.

Things were about get worse.

We were constantly broke and almost got evicted. I was almost homeless when I decided to try street drugs.

I was still taking Lithium but the combination with drugs like Crystal meth was deadly.

I was unable to afford the treatment and ended up in the hospital emergency department.

I couldn’t call my parents, I had no friends I could count on, I felt truly alone.

I knew exactly what I needed to do.

I knew if I kept repeating this cycle, I’d end up dead – sooner rather than later.

Something had to change.

It is as if it were yesterday.

Sitting up on my hospital bed gurney.

But for a paper-The back of the gown was exposed.

I put my hands together in a prayer for myself. A conversation with myself… or whoever might be listening.

I thought to myself “Psalm, this has to stop. You are going to put one foot in front of the other and get yourself out of this nightmare life. You will never again descend into this terrible world. Go do Yoga.”

That’s where everything changed for the better.

Although Yoga classes seemed to be in another dimension, I followed the instructions and everything changed.

Every time I stretched and inhaled, there was a loving and caring presence I hadn’t felt since I was a young girl. For the first time in a while, I felt joy and pure bliss.